Taking Walks

Taking walks are a special thing for Matthew and I. We took plenty of walks as friends, while we were dating, as newlyweds without children, while pregnant with our first baby, and so on and on. When Matthew became increasingly ill, taking walks became a rare thing but we still tried. Now that he is better, I am excited to see the places we will go, as the weather and the Lord permits, of course.

Yesterday we went on a walk. I think it was our first long walk since Matthew’s recovery. The day was significantly warmer. It was in the 50s! It had been snowing and under 10 degrees for many weeks, so we finally got a chance to step outside as a family.

One of my favorite things about our walks are our conversations. We talked about our faith, how we were grateful for God’s mercy on us for healing both of us. Last year, I had suffered terribly with a skin condition and taking a walk, like we did yesterday, would have been extremely painful on my skin. I’m glad I can thank God in the little things now, like how the air touches my skin and how I don’t feel pain. Or how I can freely bend my joints without feeling the pain of cuts caused by the stretching of my dry skin.

We also made jokes, as always. We talked about our desires and aspirations for our family, like having more children, possibly having a house one day. He mentioned wanting to have a personal gym area somewhere in the back of the home. It’s fun to imagine what these things would be like and to talk about them with him but I’m grateful for where we are today and my desire is to continue to seek God and His righteousness.

This walk gave me a moment to connect with him while our daughters calmly strolled along with us. Since his recovery, he had been busy eagerly looking for a job and now that he has a job, we don’t see each other as much as when he was at home in bed all the time.

I mentioned to him that these kind of walks are therapeutic for me, mentally, because I think my skin benefits from soaking in some sun (although this day was cloudy), my lungs receive fresh air, & my eyes behold different sights.

Here’s one of the sites:

There was a parting in the sky, that we thought looked like a backwards J for Joy, our youngest daughter’s name. 😆

Our walk didn’t last as long as I would have liked because it was going to rain real soon. We actually felt some drops coming down as we made our way back. At this point, Joy had fallen asleep on my back in the carrier. By the time, we made it closer to home, I think the drops woke her up. 😆

Writing all this takes me back to taking walks around the city (our hometown NYC) by Nyack College or Times Square Church, Central Park, 5th Avenue, Astoria Park, Steinway, Ditmars Blvd, or Jackson Heights down 37th Avenue, or Broadway, down Hampton Street to the Queens Center Mall, or Northern Blvd. Our life has taken quite some detours and we have found ourselves even walking among scenic Amish community roads. Yesterday we found ourselves walking up Coshocton Avenue and down Yaguer Road. I wonder where will be walking next? 😆

I remember one time, on a very snowy NY day, when we were friends, we left school and he walked me to the place I was working at, at the time, and then home. I remember his black Vans covered in snow. His feet must have been wet and frozen. I kept telling myself that he would have done that for anyone, and he would. I just didn’t want to become too optimistic with the thought of him liking me.

I look forward to continue walking with Matthew well into our elderly years. ❤️

Cabin Foolishness

How can I compile all that I have learned from what I observe in my children or how I have grown as a wife?

For example, last night, I could sense myself growing weary from being inside for so long. I haven’t been out with our daughters because it has been very cold. Usually, when I have been inside for so long I tend to get antsy and irritable towards my children and my husband. I don’t know if it is because of the lack of sun, or fresh air, or if I’m just being foolish in general. I’m sure it’s a mixture of all of those because I start to get angry at Matthew for not “working” hard enough to work things out so I can go out. That’s exactly what I was feeling last night.

It truly is foolish of me for even allowing myself to think that way because it is far from the truth. In fact, my husband has been working really hard. Recently, he started working again. (Praise God!) He had been earnestly looking for a job soon after experiencing relief from his Fibromyalgia. Finally, he found one at the McDonald’s right across the street from us. What a blessing! It’s been his first week there and he’s already had to do an overnight shift but he is completely grateful to the Lord for allowing him to feel strong again to work. & I am so thankful too!

But yea, last night I felt anger trying to creep up on me causing me to be bitter against my husband. It truly is crazy because as I sit down writing this; its 7 AM, it’s snowing, & my husband is at the store buying groceries for us after having gone to the gym earlier this morning. Just to give a little perspective, we don’t have a car so all our trips to the Walmart are by walking which we don’t mind but it does add a challenge. Thankfully, it is not as cold as it has been.

In general, he has been working really hard. He’s actually communicated to me to please be patient. His desire is to help us get back on our feet so that we can go out and enjoy being out together as a family. But first he wants to make sure everything is taken care of (financially and other things within the home). & the cold weather is not something that is in his control. So I want be patient and grateful. I know that he is working really hard to have everything in place so we can start enjoying life now that he has been basically healed. Many of our days, while his illness had been here at home so since he’s gotten better I’m so anxious to enjoy this new life. But again, I want to be patient. Lordwilling, that time will come.

A person who is dear to me, gently corrected me and reminded me that:

“The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭14:1‬ ‭NASB‬‬

Being angry at my husband because I haven’t been out is foolish. I want to be wise and build my home.

Matthew

I’m really inspired by Matthew. Ever since his recovery from Fibromyalgia, he’s been home less and less. Mainly, he’s been out looking for a job, along with several trips to the grocery store, walking around our neighborhood in the cold weather. He also was able to go to a place where they helped him write his resume. It’s been a long time since he has worked and I can tell he’s so excited to get back into it. This whole experience with his recovery has caused me to reflect a lot on who he is.

One thing he said to me recently was that I didn’t have a concept of responsibility. & it was true. I shrink away at the thought of a task that looks or feels too difficult, for whatever reason. He said that I needed to see my responsibilities and recognize that: IT MUST BE DONE. These few words have really helped shift my perspective and attitude towards things that I would normally neglect because I was too overwhelmed by the task. Somehow, I would reason that since I didn’t feel right about it at the moment then it meant that perhaps I wasn’t supposed to attend to that just yet. So, you can imagine just how many things I would neglect because I didn’t feel all warm and cozy about it. Another thing he says is that, anything that is worth it, is going to probably be hard.

I have often tried to reason against him about something I was probably stressed out about by saying, “You think that it’s easy?!” And he often reminds me that that is not what he is saying. He’ll say, “just because something isn’t easy doesn’t mean it’s impossible.”

& it’s true.

I’m very thankful for who he is. He gently leads this little family of ours by setting such a great example. & also challenging me as a person. He’s taught me so many things. Shamefully, down to basic manners like saying you’re welcome all the way up to glorifying Christ. None of which he does for his own benefit but simply because he wishes to see me happy. There are many things I thought I’d never be able to do but because of his persistence, guidance, love, & support I’ve been able to surpass my own expectations of myself as a wife, mother, friend, keeper of my home etc.

He’s also taught me how to relate to other people for their sake. I remember when I first met him, I was under the notion that going to church was just a time for me and God. But I was so wrong. He taught me that going to church was a place where you could fellowship with other people and be there for one another. He’s taught me to reach out to people every now and then (or often) so that if they ever need anything, they know you are there.

One of the most important things that he has taught me is that through faith in Christ we can walk in righteousness. It reminds me about what I quote him on earlier, “Just because something isn’t easy doesn’t mean it is impossible.” Amen! It must be done, & God is able. 😊

It’s a joy to be his wife. I hope I can mature in Christ to be the kind a wife that is a crown to his head.

Newfound Energies and Hope

Matthew has been feeling the best I’ve ever seen him. Praise the Lord. I told Matthew that I don’t want to fall off the abyss of celebration just yet because I want to make sure that he is truly feeling better. We don’t doubt God’s power to heal him, but we want to make sure that that is what God is doing. 

Even if it happens to be that he’s just feeling good for a few moments then, I am grateful for that. However, it has been, thankfully, more than just a few moments. He’s been consistently feeling better for the past few days. 

A few things that he’s been doing now that he wouldn’t have been able to do before are: he’s been spending time outside of his bed like in the living room with me and playing with our daughters, he’s been seeking things to do around the home like throwing out the garbage, replacing the light bulbs etc. He’s also gone out to the supermarket and taken walks without coming home tired or in pain which would normally cause him to stay in bed, recovering for days. 

The only thing stopping him from being outside right now, is the cold and lack of gear lol. The other day, he ended up by the movie theatre (which is about a mile away?) after having stepped out for a moment and watched Thor Ragnarok. 😆

It’s been a blessing to see him look forward to all the things he wants to do should his health and strength continue to improve. He says he would like to return to school, get a job, go on long walks, go out with his family more, etc. I’m looking forward to all these things too. Again, praise the Lord.

*He also hasn’t been taking any glucose tablets 😯

(Matthew, my husband, was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, a chronic illness, about two years ago, even though, he was experiencing symptoms longer than that such as hypoglycemia. Over the course of time, since his health complications started, he’s had to discontinue his service in the military, discontinue going to school, along with several other activities he was passionate about. Engaging in any kind physical exertion, light or heavy, would often leave him feeling very weak. Many of his days were spent in bed with pain, fatigue, and depression. After embarking on a rigorous diet, for the past few months now, Matthew has been experiencing serious relief. We are hoping as he continues to learn what to eat and reintroduces foods to his diet, that he may continue to experience relief.) 

She Does Him Good

Proverbs 31:12 “She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.”

This is something I shared a few days ago on a Christian woman’s discussion board. It has truly blessed me and some of the woman appreciated it there. I thought it would be good to share through here as well:

“Good morning ladies, 
I just wanted to share something practical that has been a blessing to me and my husband. I’ve only been a wife for about 4 years. One of my biggest fears before getting married was, how am I going to take care of a home or cook?! I didn’t know how to do those things. But the Lord has been faithful in guiding me and giving me wisdom. 
One thing I’ve always had trouble coming up with is a perfect daily schedule. What I’ve been doing recently, is guiding my daily schedule around the thought of, “How can I do my husband good today?” So I prioritize my to do list with tasks that help him do what he needs to do. This has really been a blessing to me and especially to him. I often would forget about his plans, things he’d ask me to do 😬, important reminders, or even become a hinderance because I’d fill my day and even become distracted with my own plans on what I thought would help me be a good homemaker. 😓 This also has helped me to regard the things that help him (the things he likes or doesn’t like) when I am cleaning or organizing. And also to keep me from idleness. My two year old daughter seems to be more content too, perhaps she senses that my day has a little more order to it. 

I hope this helps someone like it has to me. If there’s any wisdom anyone can share in the area of keeping our homes, I’d be glad to hear. I look forward to continue learning. 😊”