Hands

I’ve been challenged greatly by a rare pregnancy symptom called PUPPs. I developed it at the beginning of my pregnancy. The way I have experienced this condition is that my skin has become increasingly dry and itchy along with rashes all over my body. If you look it up, you can see that it is quite torturous for any women who is experiencing this. As a follower of Christ, I believe the Lord can and has the power to heal me. But, He hasn’t. Therefore, I’m only left believing that it’s His will for me to go on with this condition. He is a good Father, everything He gives is good and anything I ask in His name, He will grant it to me. But it’s been the Lord’s will to not heal me from this.

At 29 weeks of pregnancy, I can say that I see how the Lord has used this to answer my prayers. Before I became pregnant, (and even now) I’ve asked Him to cleanse me from all unrighteousness, to purify my heart. That is my deepest desire and I know that as a good Father, He will not withhold this blessing from me. One of the things that I could not find in me to overcome was laziness. This sin affects me and my household in many ways. It tears my spirit apart when I give into this sin and it tears my home down. It does nothing to bless my family or others.

Now, how does my sin relate back to PUPPs? Well, ironically, when I am keeping busy at home, my skin does not nearly itch as bad as when I am giving into idle behavior. When I give in to idle behavior, not only do I tear my skin apart by scratching, my mind gets torn apart by all the thoughts that flood my mind and debilitate me to continue in the strength that God has given me to endure this condition.

As I keep busy in my home by cooking, cleaning, laundry etc, I keep from scratching (or don’t even feel itchy most of the time) and my spirit is nourished because I find my deepest joy when I am diligently serving my family. Whenever, there is a spare moment, where normally in the past I would have used it for self indulgence, I look for how else I can use my time wisely to build my home because I don’t want to give in to the vicious cycle of scratching and destructive thoughts (which most of the time I end up taking it out on my husband).

It is still hard, if not one of the hardest things I’ve had to endure. I have to constantly cry out to the Lord and ask Him for the strength to endure. But I believe He has given me all that I need to get through this season in my life.

Hands. I’m amazed at how we can use our hands to tear down or build beautiful enduring things.

Proverbs 14:1 “Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.”

What I Can Learn From Regret

Confession: As I’m looking through videos on YouTube about literature and book reviews, I find myself missing school. I miss sitting in my English courses, reading different stories, examining, discussing and writing about them. But I also remember how lazy I was at the time that I didn’t fully appreciate the assignments. Or often times I didn’t read the assigned stories so I couldn’t participate in discussions. So now, I think, “if only I would have appreciated my time there, why didn’t I read the stories, they were so interesting.”
I am no longer in school, I am now a wife and a mother. Which is something I truly love too. I love washing dishes, I love organizing, I love cooking, cleaning, tending to my daughter, I love when I do something to help my husband, I love spending time with my family but often times laziness gets in my way and I feel as if I despise it especially when it gets challenging (kind of like finals week). I want to learn from this experience of feeling regret about not doing this or that while in school (I remember feeling overwhelmed with schoolwork too and almost despising it). While it is yet today, I want to do all in my capability to enjoy the season I am in so that I do not feel that unsatisfactory feeling of regret later on in life. When I’m much older, I want to look back and feel satisfied knowing that I enjoyed every part of this season in my life and that I learned from the challenges I faced as a young wife and mother.

Have you ever felt regret about a past season in your life and thought about what you could have done differently? How can you enjoy the season you are in now?