Taking Walks

Taking walks are a special thing for Matthew and I. We took plenty of walks as friends, while we were dating, as newlyweds without children, while pregnant with our first baby, and so on and on. When Matthew became increasingly ill, taking walks became a rare thing but we still tried. Now that he is better, I am excited to see the places we will go, as the weather and the Lord permits, of course.

Yesterday we went on a walk. I think it was our first long walk since Matthew’s recovery. The day was significantly warmer. It was in the 50s! It had been snowing and under 10 degrees for many weeks, so we finally got a chance to step outside as a family.

One of my favorite things about our walks are our conversations. We talked about our faith, how we were grateful for God’s mercy on us for healing both of us. Last year, I had suffered terribly with a skin condition and taking a walk, like we did yesterday, would have been extremely painful on my skin. I’m glad I can thank God in the little things now, like how the air touches my skin and how I don’t feel pain. Or how I can freely bend my joints without feeling the pain of cuts caused by the stretching of my dry skin.

We also made jokes, as always. We talked about our desires and aspirations for our family, like having more children, possibly having a house one day. He mentioned wanting to have a personal gym area somewhere in the back of the home. It’s fun to imagine what these things would be like and to talk about them with him but I’m grateful for where we are today and my desire is to continue to seek God and His righteousness.

This walk gave me a moment to connect with him while our daughters calmly strolled along with us. Since his recovery, he had been busy eagerly looking for a job and now that he has a job, we don’t see each other as much as when he was at home in bed all the time.

I mentioned to him that these kind of walks are therapeutic for me, mentally, because I think my skin benefits from soaking in some sun (although this day was cloudy), my lungs receive fresh air, & my eyes behold different sights.

Here’s one of the sites:

There was a parting in the sky, that we thought looked like a backwards J for Joy, our youngest daughter’s name. 😆

Our walk didn’t last as long as I would have liked because it was going to rain real soon. We actually felt some drops coming down as we made our way back. At this point, Joy had fallen asleep on my back in the carrier. By the time, we made it closer to home, I think the drops woke her up. 😆

Writing all this takes me back to taking walks around the city (our hometown NYC) by Nyack College or Times Square Church, Central Park, 5th Avenue, Astoria Park, Steinway, Ditmars Blvd, or Jackson Heights down 37th Avenue, or Broadway, down Hampton Street to the Queens Center Mall, or Northern Blvd. Our life has taken quite some detours and we have found ourselves even walking among scenic Amish community roads. Yesterday we found ourselves walking up Coshocton Avenue and down Yaguer Road. I wonder where will be walking next? 😆

I remember one time, on a very snowy NY day, when we were friends, we left school and he walked me to the place I was working at, at the time, and then home. I remember his black Vans covered in snow. His feet must have been wet and frozen. I kept telling myself that he would have done that for anyone, and he would. I just didn’t want to become too optimistic with the thought of him liking me.

I look forward to continue walking with Matthew well into our elderly years. ❤️

Cabin Foolishness

How can I compile all that I have learned from what I observe in my children or how I have grown as a wife?

For example, last night, I could sense myself growing weary from being inside for so long. I haven’t been out with our daughters because it has been very cold. Usually, when I have been inside for so long I tend to get antsy and irritable towards my children and my husband. I don’t know if it is because of the lack of sun, or fresh air, or if I’m just being foolish in general. I’m sure it’s a mixture of all of those because I start to get angry at Matthew for not “working” hard enough to work things out so I can go out. That’s exactly what I was feeling last night.

It truly is foolish of me for even allowing myself to think that way because it is far from the truth. In fact, my husband has been working really hard. Recently, he started working again. (Praise God!) He had been earnestly looking for a job soon after experiencing relief from his Fibromyalgia. Finally, he found one at the McDonald’s right across the street from us. What a blessing! It’s been his first week there and he’s already had to do an overnight shift but he is completely grateful to the Lord for allowing him to feel strong again to work. & I am so thankful too!

But yea, last night I felt anger trying to creep up on me causing me to be bitter against my husband. It truly is crazy because as I sit down writing this; its 7 AM, it’s snowing, & my husband is at the store buying groceries for us after having gone to the gym earlier this morning. Just to give a little perspective, we don’t have a car so all our trips to the Walmart are by walking which we don’t mind but it does add a challenge. Thankfully, it is not as cold as it has been.

In general, he has been working really hard. He’s actually communicated to me to please be patient. His desire is to help us get back on our feet so that we can go out and enjoy being out together as a family. But first he wants to make sure everything is taken care of (financially and other things within the home). & the cold weather is not something that is in his control. So I want be patient and grateful. I know that he is working really hard to have everything in place so we can start enjoying life now that he has been basically healed. Many of our days, while his illness had been here at home so since he’s gotten better I’m so anxious to enjoy this new life. But again, I want to be patient. Lordwilling, that time will come.

A person who is dear to me, gently corrected me and reminded me that:

“The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭14:1‬ ‭NASB‬‬

Being angry at my husband because I haven’t been out is foolish. I want to be wise and build my home.

Newfound Energies and Hope

Matthew has been feeling the best I’ve ever seen him. Praise the Lord. I told Matthew that I don’t want to fall off the abyss of celebration just yet because I want to make sure that he is truly feeling better. We don’t doubt God’s power to heal him, but we want to make sure that that is what God is doing. 

Even if it happens to be that he’s just feeling good for a few moments then, I am grateful for that. However, it has been, thankfully, more than just a few moments. He’s been consistently feeling better for the past few days. 

A few things that he’s been doing now that he wouldn’t have been able to do before are: he’s been spending time outside of his bed like in the living room with me and playing with our daughters, he’s been seeking things to do around the home like throwing out the garbage, replacing the light bulbs etc. He’s also gone out to the supermarket and taken walks without coming home tired or in pain which would normally cause him to stay in bed, recovering for days. 

The only thing stopping him from being outside right now, is the cold and lack of gear lol. The other day, he ended up by the movie theatre (which is about a mile away?) after having stepped out for a moment and watched Thor Ragnarok. 😆

It’s been a blessing to see him look forward to all the things he wants to do should his health and strength continue to improve. He says he would like to return to school, get a job, go on long walks, go out with his family more, etc. I’m looking forward to all these things too. Again, praise the Lord.

*He also hasn’t been taking any glucose tablets 😯

(Matthew, my husband, was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, a chronic illness, about two years ago, even though, he was experiencing symptoms longer than that such as hypoglycemia. Over the course of time, since his health complications started, he’s had to discontinue his service in the military, discontinue going to school, along with several other activities he was passionate about. Engaging in any kind physical exertion, light or heavy, would often leave him feeling very weak. Many of his days were spent in bed with pain, fatigue, and depression. After embarking on a rigorous diet, for the past few months now, Matthew has been experiencing serious relief. We are hoping as he continues to learn what to eat and reintroduces foods to his diet, that he may continue to experience relief.) 

Expectation

As I was working out this morning, (I have been consistent with waking up early, working out which then motivates me to shower. My skin has been doing much better among other things. Praise God!) I was tempted to feel anxious about my 3 month old daughter waking up and not allowing me to finish my work out routine or get in the shower. As she was squirming around in her little chair, I thought: life isn’t about it going the way I expect it but about how well I deal with the unexpected. 

I’ve been learning to embrace “obstacles” with confidence knowing that my Heavenly Father will help me and give me wisdom on how to handle those “obstacles”. Now, instead of me growing anxious or frustrated when things don’t go my way, I look forward to these challenges to see how God will help me handle these situations. For now, it’s actually a little thrilling. 

She didn’t end up waking up and I was able to complete my workout. Now, let’s see if I can get in the shower. If not, I’m ready to handle it by the grace of God.